There are things I would not do. I would not go shopping for a new bathroom scale. I would not do anything that felt even one percent off, for I would remain true to myself. I would spend it alone. For inside of me lies my greatest power and outside of me lies.
I would finally accept the gifts that God has given me and they are all interior ones.
I would tell myself the truth, that my greatest joy lies in connecting with only people that God draws to me. They are a mere handful, but my two hands clap in joy over them.
These are not social friends but friends God has planted deep into my heart. Some of them I will never meet and others I may never see but a few times.
God put me here to communicate with like-minded beings. He gave me the gift of words. He gave me the gift of tenacity. He gave me the gift of a private life.
The guilt and shame I have given myself.
So today is a day for me to acknowledge my deep connection with spirit. To know that even as I type, someone is reading and nodding, “Yes, that is how I feel, too.”
Family and friends can be and are taken away. What endures beyond loss? That is a central question of my life.
What endures is the only thing that can endure.
The Holy Spirit, which cannot be accepted when you think you will live forever, that you can remain false to yourself, that you can dabble in the world as you wish.
Once you see that, your vision becomes true and the false falls away.
It’s not about time. It’s about my own eternal spirit. And my last day is ongoing.