We all love a good Cinderella story. We wait for “the reveal” on so many reality TV shows. I was watching Dr. Phil and his guest, the golden-throated announcer who ended up going from homeless to rehabilitated. The first thing they do, of course, of course, is to give them a nice new set of…teeth! Yes, indeedy do. Nice Hollywood teeth. So the guest and his lady love, both sporting new choppers, as camera-ready as Dr. Phil’s own set, avowed as to how they really wanted to change. This is where I got the urge to come in here and write….
My book is an honest look at how it feels to be down and out in your own home. Down and out, emotionally, that is. How it felt to camp out with a dying man with a death sentence on him. How it felt to sift through my emotional junk just like a hoarder might do, clinging to my idea of how things “should be.” Oh, I was a real prize.
You see, I was on the spiritual path. I was being tamed by a really good horse whisperer. Only thing was, I couldn’t hear Him or see Him. I just saw everything through a blaze of anger and from a pit of despair. Oh, I cleaned up good. That was part of my strategy. Do a good job, take care of business, don’t let ‘em see you crack.
Seven years later, I am almost out of the woods. That light that I refer to in the book’s title is real. I also write about chunks of me falling into the sea. That part is true as well. Just recently a big chunk of Vicki apparently broke off—calved, floated into the ocean.
I don’t know what is next except one day at a time. I shall always remember the days when one day at a time was way too much. Days of transfusions, bad news, death just around the corner, no one to bear my burdens for me.
There is still no one to bear my burdens for me. For any of us. That is why I take such good care of Vicki. I have vowed to do my best by her. This is her second chance at life. She better not screw it up. To that end, I walked away from open forums simply because I don’t enjoy them. Not enjoying something is good enough reason to leave.
The love that is mirrored back to me here is just what the doctor ordered. I am taking it regularly and hopefully, giving it right back.